The World’s Manliest Podcast

You’ve seen him at your local cons with his torn Spiderman t-shirt  , worn out Sailor Moon hat and his beige cargo pants spluttered with coffee stains.

Wait a second , those aren’t coffee stains …

See many of you think of him as the harmless oft bespectacled overweight geek holding a  bunch of h-games in his left hand and grasping his Nami from One Piece hugpillow in the other.But in reality he’s actually holding a gun in his right hand.

A perverted vomit inducing gun ready to creep you the fuck out.

So you’re thinking … “Well luckily most of the images they use are from terrible terrible h-game fan service riddled shows”

WRONG

I tripple dog dare you to try and watch Gurren Lagann after looking at the following images.

But the thing that makes them total and utter creepfags is the massive ammount of pedophilia visible in a lot of these pillows.

NSFW - Not Safe for Work NSFYS - Not Safe for your Sanity

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Many of you don’t know this but Tissuekins and I are actually part time writers for popular Tokusatsu shows.

Now we have to be honest : Godzilla’s popularity is waning.However , fear not as we’ve just recently pitched an idea to a big network that rhymes with BOX.

Although liked by the members of the WMP , Godzilla Final Wars was not appreciated by the critics nor the movie going public.Some of the elements of the movie were highly criticized ie The Samoan guy in his beach shirt working in the arctics , Mothra being totally useless , not enough Maki Mizuno scenes (ok that was mostly us) .

The show is basically a complete rip off of Curb Your Enthusiasm (You didn’t read it here) , which focuses on a sort of personalized view of Godzilla’s daily life.

Things that you will learn about Godzilla:

* Godzilla’s first name is Christoff.

* Godzilla’s explains his on again - off again relationship with planet earth.

* Godzilla explains the points system he uses when going on a raid of Tokyo.

* Godzilla ran into money problems in the late 80’s due to his coke addiction and explains how rehab changed him.

* Godzilla married into the Mazinger family to gain financial security in the early 90’s.

* Godzilla supposedly fathered offspring with a salamander from the Philippines.Godzilla to this day refuses to pay alimony payments because according to him “She’s a salamander , and she’s from the frickin Philippines for god sake.”

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In this episode, we probabaly talk about this dude and how awesome and manly he is

here’s the dude:

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Wow we’ve been inundated with more mail.

WMP. READY . GO !

1)Dear WMP: My partner and I plan on doing a secret ninja raid on a small village . My question is Spears or Daggers ?

We just can’t decide , because the Dagger seems the logical choice , but in case one of the locals wield a sword , we want to be sure we’re going to make it out alive.

Samurai Y

DrasticV:If you live in the US , just call homeland security and say there are terrorists living inside the village.Let the government work for you for once.

Tissuekins:Being an ancient kung fu master, I would suggest neither , as a true warrior must express himself through their fist, but this being a clan war, might I suggest fire arrows. As I know that all ninjas are sword using cowards, you might as well go the extra mile, use your ninja magic to go to the future buy some AK’s from some dirty African man and shoot that village to death

DrasticV:Or send a mail to djdrastic@yourealreadydead.com if you don’t want to do that whole Marty Mcfly thing.Turns out Blood Diamond money pays.

2)Dear WMP : Red or Black ?

Blue4U

Tissuekins: Well, I mean once you go black, you never go back, you know what I mean baby?

DrasticV: Wow , I got that on camera.

3)Dear WMP : What is more manly , a scar or an Eyepatch ?

DrasticV:Uhm I’m an eyepatch guy.Hey it means your’re just that much cooler on Talk Like A Pirate Day

Tissuekins:Well, I mean both are way more awesome.Try using them in combination like a scar under the eye then an eyepatch , hinting you have some sort of manly injury or a scar on your cheek and then an eyepatch on your left eye.It’s really up to you.

4)Dear WMP: I want a badass dog . Is there any breed you would recommend me getting ?

Kay9

DrasticV: A Kerberos.Sure they’re high maintenance , and guard the gates of hell.Ok so they may also eat your soul.But come on its a fricking 3 headed fire spitting dog.Imagine how cool you would look , tossing Frisbees to your dog on the beach and him torching all of them.Can you say pantydropper ?

Tissuekins: I’d suggest you skipping the whole canine thing and picking up a robot horse named Fuunseiki.You’d look cooler standing on a robot horse . Robot horses don’t waste Frisbees nor money.

5)Dear WMP: I am the spirit of kindness sent from the future. Our records show that you give incorrect and downright immoral answers to people.I am here to eradicate you from this planet.

Spirit of gayness

DrasticV:Take your number , Oh aint you lucky , number 666.Take a seat behind HIV infected prostitute and the Kolbe Bryant.If you want to advance to the front of the line , leave me some green.

Tissuekins: Dear spirit of kindness.

THIS HAND OF MINE SHOOTS WITH AN ANGRY FLAME! IT’S HATEFUL HEARTLESS GRASP TELLS ME TO GRASP AND CRUSH YOUR ESSENCE!

6)Dear WMP: I am the spirit of giving , our records show that you aren’t that giving.In fact several of our records show that you have on at least 3 different occasions stolen candy from babies.

Spirit of Vodka

DrasticV:Lets talk about this outside (Loads shotgun.Tells tissuekins to start the `chipper).

Tissuekins:THIS CHIPPER OF MINE RAORS WITH A V12 ENGINE! IT’S CHOPPING BLADES TELLS ME TO PUSH YOU INTO IT’S ROTATING MOUTH OF DEATH !

That’s all for now . If you want to submit questions like our two deceased spirit friends above , just drop us an email at tissuekins@gmail.com . All our advice comes with a 90 day no money back guarantee.

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Hello manly man listeners, here is the first (hopefully not last) “Ask The WMP” column.

Dear WMP : I am a ex prince of Nigeria’s largest province , and due to a recent overthrow of our government I’ve had to go in hiding . If you could help me transfer money into your account , I shall let you keep 50 % of said moneys.

Mgaundu-Nigerian warrior prince

Tissuekins:Hey Mgaundu, THIS WALLET OF MINE BURNS WITH AWESOME DESIRE TO RECEIVE HALF OF YOUR INHERITANCE IT’S AWESOME CASH AMOUNT TELLS ME TO TO ASK FOR YOUR ADDRESS SO WE MAY COMMUNICATE FURTHER AND REACH AN AGREEMENT!

DrasticV: Dear Prince , it has come to my attention that the region you claim to have reigned over has had a prince for the last 15 years. Due to your country’s bad reputation as email spammer haven, I highly doubt that you are truthful in the matter.

So … This hand of mine burns red , it’s load roar tells me to delete your email and poke fun of you on the internet.

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Here’s part two amigos. Part one below.

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There’s two parts to this puppy like there’s two BAD DUDES in this podcast.

there’s;

I assume Mike dent is actually a bug-like cyberman, but I am not sure my men will have to verify that.

And then there’s your manly man host;

True men only have a few minutes in their suit, before they DIE!

Also, I’m very sorry Mike, next time I will wear headphones, so please, here’s my version of dairaigou.

There’s only part 1, part 2 will be uploaded shortly.

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