“Dear WMP” -02- Holy Eff people think we’re Dr Ruth
Posted in Blog Posts on May 13th, 2008 No Comments »
Wow we’ve been inundated with more mail.
WMP. READY . GO !
1)Dear WMP: My partner and I plan on doing a secret ninja raid on a small village . My question is Spears or Daggers ?
We just can’t decide , because the Dagger seems the logical choice , but in case one of the locals wield a sword , we want to be sure we’re going to make it out alive.
Samurai Y
DrasticV:If you live in the US , just call homeland security and say there are terrorists living inside the village.Let the government work for you for once.
Tissuekins:Being an ancient kung fu master, I would suggest neither , as a true warrior must express himself through their fist, but this being a clan war, might I suggest fire arrows. As I know that all ninjas are sword using cowards, you might as well go the extra mile, use your ninja magic to go to the future buy some AK’s from some dirty African man and shoot that village to death
DrasticV:Or send a mail to djdrastic@yourealreadydead.com if you don’t want to do that whole Marty Mcfly thing.Turns out Blood Diamond money pays.
2)Dear WMP : Red or Black ?
Blue4U
Tissuekins: Well, I mean once you go black, you never go back, you know what I mean baby?
DrasticV: Wow , I got that on camera.
3)Dear WMP : What is more manly , a scar or an Eyepatch ?
DrasticV:Uhm I’m an eyepatch guy.Hey it means your’re just that much cooler on Talk Like A Pirate Day
Tissuekins:Well, I mean both are way more awesome.Try using them in combination like a scar under the eye then an eyepatch , hinting you have some sort of manly injury or a scar on your cheek and then an eyepatch on your left eye.It’s really up to you.
4)Dear WMP: I want a badass dog . Is there any breed you would recommend me getting ?
Kay9
DrasticV: A Kerberos.Sure they’re high maintenance , and guard the gates of hell.Ok so they may also eat your soul.But come on its a fricking 3 headed fire spitting dog.Imagine how cool you would look , tossing Frisbees to your dog on the beach and him torching all of them.Can you say pantydropper ?
Tissuekins: I’d suggest you skipping the whole canine thing and picking up a robot horse named Fuunseiki.You’d look cooler standing on a robot horse . Robot horses don’t waste Frisbees nor money.
5)Dear WMP: I am the spirit of kindness sent from the future. Our records show that you give incorrect and downright immoral answers to people.I am here to eradicate you from this planet.
Spirit of gayness
DrasticV:Take your number , Oh aint you lucky , number 666.Take a seat behind HIV infected prostitute and the Kolbe Bryant.If you want to advance to the front of the line , leave me some green.
Tissuekins: Dear spirit of kindness.
THIS HAND OF MINE SHOOTS WITH AN ANGRY FLAME! IT’S HATEFUL HEARTLESS GRASP TELLS ME TO GRASP AND CRUSH YOUR ESSENCE!
6)Dear WMP: I am the spirit of giving , our records show that you aren’t that giving.In fact several of our records show that you have on at least 3 different occasions stolen candy from babies.
Spirit of Vodka
DrasticV:Lets talk about this outside (Loads shotgun.Tells tissuekins to start the `chipper).
Tissuekins:THIS CHIPPER OF MINE RAORS WITH A V12 ENGINE! IT’S CHOPPING BLADES TELLS ME TO PUSH YOU INTO IT’S ROTATING MOUTH OF DEATH !
That’s all for now . If you want to submit questions like our two deceased spirit friends above , just drop us an email at tissuekins@gmail.com . All our advice comes with a 90 day no money back guarantee.
